Adam Sandler is Gilbert Arenas in .... "Put Up Your Dukes"

SPOILER ALERT***********

An egotistical, nutty NBA superstar named Gilbert "Agent Zero" Arenas is forced to return to college for one year following the commissioner's discovery that he failed to turn in a final paper for his TV history course as a Senior.

Seeking revenge against Duke's coach, who cut him from the U.S. National Team for undiplomatic behavior on the international stage (he taunted the Japanese squad with cries of "hibachi" each time he scored), Arenas vows to score one million points when he faces them.

"I wouldn't pass the ball. I wouldn't even think about passing it. It would be like a NBA Live or an NBA 2K7 game, you just shoot with one person," he quips during a memorable rant to a colleague, 7'7" center Wally Williams, a former Indiana Mr. Basketball who learned to play on an improvised hoop on his father's farm.

"One college game that's five fouls, right? ... 40-minute game at Duke, they got soft rims. Sheeit."

Arenas, also known as The Black President or Black Jesus (read his Wikipedia page), is initially dismissive of his education, but is gradually seduced by Heidegger. His teammates find him passed out, a copy of Being and Time lying on his bosom, the afternoon of the big game. Arenas insists that he cannot play, but after being movingly reminded of Coach K's snub, particularly by the cute girl with whom he had often flirted at the library, he decides to suit up.

The Duke team taunts him relentlessly with jokes about his big brain. He responds by scoring 603 points entirely on half-court 3's or dunks, each time he shoots yelling "Gesamtausgabe!," the title of Heidegger's collected works which is directly translatable as "Total output!"